Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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