community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
