Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
