I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
