worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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