don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
