Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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