my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
