Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize