Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
