Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
