i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
