On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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