Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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