So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your penis caused this!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
