i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
