The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
