Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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