dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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