I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
