I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will be naked everywhere
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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