I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
