Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
