I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize