cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
