I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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