it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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