I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
