That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
