My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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