I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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