Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
