so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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