My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
