No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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