I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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