Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
