I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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