Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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