Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
