I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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