i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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