He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
nutella sex= disaster
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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