who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
