Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
