the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it hurts more in the daytime
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
