why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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