i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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