I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
