I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
