Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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