five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
