i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's blow job season.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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