So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
