I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
