8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
