Kiss
Puke
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
