my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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