Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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