So drunk its hurt
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
