I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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