Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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