Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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