Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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