She is in my trunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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