Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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