Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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