I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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