My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
